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There's No Place...
Except Home
by Rob Bruillard
From that moment of the near impossible cosmic odds of our conception, we are journeying. But are we coming from home or going to home?
With our ancient primal coding of DNA fulfilling its next level of evolution, this impulse (the "I-AM" pulse)... our birth that is now of form and flesh suddenly inspires and gasps in the question - "who am I?" and from our exhalation - our most natural and effortless act of kindness, the question is answered ..."I am." Thus begins our individual mythic journey that becomes our life.
"Breath in... step... breath out... step" repeated Hosen, the Vice Abyss at the Bodhi Manda Zen center in Jemez Springs, New Mexico.
I stealthy obeyed her quiet and gentle order. I was a student of Tibetan Dzogchen Buddhism and had practiced how to sit and be "present", but this walking style of Zen Meditation, outside, was a new method and my mind wrestled to catch even the slightest breeze of equanimity.
It was the summer of 2002, and my 2nd time attending Spirit Journeys' Summer Retreat. I came with big and deeply passionate questions wanting even larger answers. I had never really felt "at home" with myself and wanted to explore this thought/feeling more. At that time in my life, I was following a thread of inner spiritual direction and could feel a vibration, a hum of epic opportunity coursing through me energetically and I wasn't going to miss one breath of it!
"Breath in... step... breath out... step" continued Hosen... ahem... I think I'm getting the idea here.
By the end of this 6 day gathering with my spiritual brothers, my life as I knew it would not be returning. A ritual and initiation of sorts was about to take place. Though I felt so comfortable and surprisingly at home with my brothers at the Bodhi, much more so than I ever knew to be possible in such a short time, with my next breath, literally, my next evolutionary impulse, was about to remind me yet again that I am the journey - I just had to simply continue showing up.
It happened during a guided breath session. Lying down, eyes closed and breathing fully and deeply - belly and chest rising and falling rhythmically and continuously. I quickly traveled ecstatically into my Self, riding with my blood coursing throughout my body and soon leaving my physicality; I journeyed into and became one with the pulsing blinding cosmic universal vibration of the ALL.
"Breath in... step... breath out... step".
What a welcome reminder as I tried to walk to the lunch room still in an altered state from my 2 hour breath session journey. I slowly placed some rice into my mouth and simultaneously witnessed an offering of divine love... the simple silent visual of two men hugging. Waves of immense bliss and vast sadness overcame my body and I wept uncontrollably for a very long time... rice still in my mouth. At some point, I was ever so tenderly guided back into my body, my home, by my beloved brother, Hunter.
This seemingly simple act of breathing and post breathing euphoria engendered within me to seek an even deeper meaning to my life and specifically to my Purpose - with a capital P! Having my mantra of "compassionate radical self inquiry" guiding my in breath and the unknown answer begging at the only question I had on my out breath... "who am I?"... a profound spiritual journey of 8 months soon unfolded.
Meeting and experiencing the many Shamans, Elder Mystics, Buddhist Masters deep in the mountains, crazy Balians and Healers of Southeast Asia, Indonesia, Bhutan and Nepal was certainly epic and conscious expanding by any standard. However, when I returned "home" it was then I gleaned what "truths" they all spoke of and were pointing to... "When one tugs at a single thing in nature, one finds it attached to the rest of the world."
Our journey home, which is the journey of knowing "Self", begins with and continues within ourselves and yet we are intrinsically, vibrationally attached to everything that is...THE ALL. Paradoxically separate and yet connected - just like the breath. Home cannot be "found" out there...
Our single most important aspect to life is breath and the continuous act of conscious connected breathing effortlessly and lovingly reminds us that we are home.
"Breath in... home... breath out... home".
There's no place... except home.
See you all at The Bodhi!
Rob
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