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Through The Eyes...
by Howie Holben
At our "Intimacy and Eros" weekend in April, one of the questions I asked the guys to journal about was "What is intimacy?" As you might expect, there were as many answers as there were men in the room. What I found interesting was that virtually everyone defined intimacy by listing what was missing in their life; by what they wanted more of or felt they did not have at all.
This really got my attention. I saw that a common way of how we define things in our lives, and our lives in general comes from a place of "lack" and not from a place of "abundance".
Maybe this way of thinking is taught to us; maybe it's even part of our genetic code. After all, it is what we want or need more of that help us survive and move toward goals; even perhaps goals as basic food, shelter and love.
But I have seen all too often that looking at life through the eyes of lack only increases suffering in our lives. If all we see are the things that are wrong with us, wrong in our lives and wrong in the world around us, that is all we will experience. If all we see is the "bad", we will only have "bad" in our lives; there will be no room for joy.
Some of my friends call me a Pollyanna and to a certain degree I would have to agree with them. I do choose to see what is good in the world, in my life and in the people around me. It does not mean I am blind to evil, it just means that I refuse to give evil power in my life.
As a boy, I was taught that the thoughts we think and the words we speak (especially the words we speak) carry great power; that it is these words and thoughts that manifest themselves in my reality. Looking at my life, I can see that what I was taught as a boy was true; perhaps one of the greatest truths I was ever taught.
So, for me, it's a balancing act...combining desire and yearning for more from life with a deep sense of appreciation and gratitude for what I already have been given. This helps keep me from seeing through the eyes of lack and it allows me to see through the eyes of expecting abundance in my life.
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